My name is Andrea and I'm a food-aholic

First, I want to say thanks to all who commented here and on Facebook, sent me private messages and called to offer your encouragement and support after my first blog post. It really means so much to me and I hope you'll keep reading!

So, I've had a weird relationship with food my entire life. My parents did everything right, we ate healthfully, my sister and I didn't have free reign over the pantry, we were allowed to indulge in treats every now and then. But I come from a long line of ancestors with sweet teeth (I'm looking at you, Bazzel fam!).

I was pretty active in high school and college, but once I graduated and settled into married life, the wheels came off the bus. My mom wasn't around to cook for me, and I was working a full time job and "keeping house" (with Ed's help, of course) for the first time in my life. Queue the fast food, take out and quick meals that are cheap and easy, but awful for you. The scale kept going up, but I had every excuse in the book to not do anything about it (I'm too busy to work out, we just bought a house and I'm paying student loans so I have no extra money to spend on the gym or Weight Watchers).

Somewhere around 2005 I became an emotional eater. My family had some major stuff going on and I turned to food to help me cope. I think this is where my food obsession started. I would get to work and start thinking about what I'd order for lunch. I would think about what we'd eat for dinner, but most importantly, dessert, long before evening. It was my crutch. I don't smoke, I've never done a drug in my life and I am not more than a social drinker. I would think about food a lot. Lots more than is normal.

This continued for years. When I was pregnant, I felt like I could get away with it because I was growing a person. Once the kids were born, I was pretty busy during the day, but after bedtime, I had dates with the Doritos and the TV. I wouldn't keep track of how much I was eating, and I would be so full, but I'd keep going. I would feel guilty afterwards, but the next night, it'd be the same thing all over again.

Here's the thing about food that is pretty different from other addictions...have a gambling addiction? Stay out of the casino. Trying to kick your smoking habit? Don't buy cigarettes. Need to lay off the sauce? Stay out of the bar. We NEED to eat to survive. I will always have food in my house. As much as I would love to forgo eating forever and drag around an IV bag of fluids, it's not really realistic.

Being addicted to food and eating is something I will always struggle with. It's a lifelong issue, just like so many other addictions. I'm learning, with the help of Weight Watchers and other tools, to turn my food obsession into a positive thing. Now I'm obsessed with planning out my meals in the beginning of the day to ensure I stay within my daily points goal. I'm addicted to drinking a protein shake a day. And I'm persistent about going to the gym a few times each week.

I'm not going to lie, I used to roll my eyes when people referred to a diet as a "lifestyle change." But I've come to accept that I am changing my life forever. I am always going to struggle with food. Even after years of extensive behavior therapy, I'm never going to be cured. So, if that food obsession is always going to be in me, I need to turn it into a positive results. I will obviously slip up here and there, but if we're out and I decide not to taste the dessert the table ordered or I only get a salad, it's because I don't think I have the willpower that day to stop after one bite. Be patient with me, I'm learning as I go. I owe it to myself and my family to make the best of the cards I was dealt.

Thanks for reading! <3 <3 <3